well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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