he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
