and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
