If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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