I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
