I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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