I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
