Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
