It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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