It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
she told me i tasted like america
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
