My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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