Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
