I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
