I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
