he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
