Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
where am i from again
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Randomize
