ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Randomize
