i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
