We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
