well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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