For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
