i was born a porn star she said
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
