If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
