Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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