Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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