Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
