Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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