he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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