so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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