My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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