don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
