I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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