And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
