i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
