i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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