Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
