What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
