I am puke
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
