Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
