You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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