They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
