people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
