pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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