I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
