Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
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