Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
