I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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