The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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