I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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