I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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