peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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