peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
