oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
