Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
