I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
